Esme Witbooi Coaching

How to Overcome Negative Thoughts

Even the most positive person gets negative thoughts!

Yes, that’s true.


Actually, negative thoughts are commonplace and anyone can be a ‘victim’ to them. However, it’s not the presence of negative thoughts but the way we handle and react to them that either breaks or makes our confidence and self-esteem.

Think this over:

NOTHING HAS ANY MEANING IN LIFE, ONLY THE MEANING YOU GIVE TO IT.

If you ALLOW negative thoughts to HARM you – THEY WILL!

If you ALLOW negative thoughts to HELP you – THEY WILL!

Before we get into this session it’s important to keep a few points in mind:

  • It’s not only you that gets negative thoughts; everyone on this planet gets them.
  • You are not making an attempt to uproot negative thoughts here. Just handling them more smartly.
  • Negative thoughts, as such, do not harm you. It’s what you say to yourself after the thought has entered your head that harms you.
  • You can change any thought you want by changing what it means to you.

With that taken into account, let’s kick off this session!


Analyzing your thoughts

Want to increase your confidence?

You have to first find out what triggers those negative thoughts and emotions you have about yourself.
It becomes easier to analyze and respond to them if you write them down.
FYI, it is not the trigger or the event that instigates the bad feelings. What makes you feel despondent are the internal dialogues you say to yourself in response to the trigger. These catalysts distort reality and put your feelings in turmoil.
That’s the kind of turmoil Lynette got into. Her husband Roger had been quite distracted over the past few days. Lynette tried talking to him on a couple of occasions but he wasn’t forthcoming. She heard him talking in hushed tones over the phone, and he also came home late more often than before. Lynette was perturbed beyond words. She spent hours talking to herself, wondering what Roger was up to.

What might she have said?

  • “He’s ignoring me.”
  • “Maybe he’s having an affair with someone.”
  • “He doesn’t find me attractive or interesting anymore.”

What might she have felt?

  • Anger
  • Resentment
  • Grief
  • Self-pity

Maybe she should have been more probing; or given more time to her husband. Did she know her husband well enough to arrive at these conclusions?

In fact Roger might have been having a tough time at work. A bad review by the boss, a fall in profits in business, a tiff with a colleague. It could have been anything!

The point is nothing in life has any meaning, only the meaning you give it.

Roger must have had a completely unconnected problem, but to Lynette it looked like a problem in their relationship!

Controlling your inner voice and what you say to yourself either makes or breaks your self-esteem and confidence.

Within this session, you will be introduced to a technique, which you can use to control your inner dialogue and make you appraise just how hard and unreasonable you are on yourself.

But before we get into the exercise, let’s just discuss those negative thoughts you have.

Here’s a small little recap – It is not the trigger or the event that instigates the bad feelings. But the internal dialogues you say to yourself in response to the trigger that makes you despondent.

Okay, to make it easier to understand, let’s split these negative thoughts or distortions into 10 categories.
Here’s the list. You can use this as a quick reference:

Here’s the list. You can use this as a quick reference:

  1. Assuming
  2. Over-generalising
  3. ‘Shoulds’
  4. Labelling
  5. Blaming other people and events
  6. It’s all or nothing!
  7. Believing what you feel
  8. Personalizing
  9. Making comparisons with others
  10. I can’t cope with life

How do you challenge and question this thinking?

By asking the following:

  • “If this does happen, will I really be helpless and be unable to cope?”
  • “If the worst happens, what will I do?”
  • “When I look back in 30 years’ time, will anyone really care about this?”

Remember:

Nothing has any meaning in life, only the meaning you give to it.

You’ve heard that before, haven’t you? How far have you come to believe it?

“Whether you think you can or think you can’t, either way you are right”

Henry Ford, founder of the Ford Motor Company.

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Hi, I’m Esme.

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