How to deal with difficult people at work

Let’s be honest….

Dealing with difficult people can be stressful and cause you not to think rationally.

The question is, can you avoid them when you have to work with them? No, it is not possible.

So the best way would be to learn how to deal with them in different situations, right?

From my years of experience as a Human Resources Manager, I will share with you a few tips that will help you deal with difficult people at work.

Firstly, we all know that conflict in the workplace has a serious impact on the business bottom line and can even cause some projects to fail. It tends to cause depression, anxiety, stress, illness, absenteeism and low productivity. The list can go on.

So, what can you do about it?

Remember this. You cannot change other people’s behaviour. You cannot make them behave in the way you want them to. So if you cannot change others behaviour, the only thing you can change is your behaviour.

Consider these tips when dealing with difficult people. They are simply helpful ways to look at human behaviour and guidelines to better our interaction with people.

Stop labelling them as difficult

Labelling is a common syndrome. When we see others behave inappropriately, we tend to label. We would say,” He is aggressive or he is stupid”. The list can go on.

Remember when you label someone, you will be stuck in that perception you hold of them. When you do, no matter what they do, even when they are kind, you will find a reason to believe the label you gave them is correct. This will give you limited results with the person.

Instead of labelling them, you could become more curious as to why the person is behaving in this way by asking the right questions.

Why is it so important to try to understand why someone is behaving difficult?

Understanding the other person’s perception

You must understand that your perception of that person’s behaviour is based on your own beliefs and values system. Therefore, the meaning you give the behaviour is based on your model of the world. What this means is that we can always work towards trying to understand why that person is behaving in this way.  The best way to try to understand them is by looking at what drives their decision making. Their values.

Separate the person from the behaviour

Address the behaviour, not the person. This will keep you from labelling. Behaviour is a response to a set of feelings and thoughts, but those feelings and thoughts are simply programmes running in that person. They can be changed and therefore they are not the person. Behaviour can be changed whilst the person remains the same human being.

Recognition

When they are doing something nice, acknowledge it and compliment them. This way you move out of the enemy zone.

Build Rapport

Building rapport is fundamental to get along with difficult people. Find what you have in common and start from there. When they’re in trouble or confused, offer help and assistance. Listen to them with complete focus on what they are saying without thinking of what you going say next. Match and mirror their body language and use the same category of words they use when speaking. The more you listen to them actively, the more rapport there will be. It will improve your credibility with them.

Respect goes a long way

When you respond negatively to difficult people, they will disregard you. Respect and a gentle approach defuse conflict. Showing respect even when you think it is not earned will help you to deal better with difficult people. It will allow the difficult person to feel they’re being heard. It is always helpful to respect another person’s view of the world, without agreeing with it and without undermining your own.

Manage your emotions

When the situation is heated and tense at work, breathe and remain calm. You must become self-aware of your thoughts, feelings and actions. This is a master skill which will help you to be clear-headed and respond more appropriately. Be very self-aware of your communication and how you’re responding. The meaning of your communication is the response your get.  The meaning others make of your communication is the response you get from them. So if you not getting the response you desire, then change the way you are communicating, until you get the response you want. The classic definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. 

Why is it so important to learn how to deal with difficult people?

Relationships matter, not just in the workplace. We must become more thoughtful and aware of how we communicate with each other.

You might be thinking why should I be the one to change to deal with difficult people?

Because it affects you negatively.

Someone else should not be the cause of your unhappiness. If you are waiting for someone to change so that you feel okay, you might just wait a lifetime.

So, you have a choice. Either try to change them or have a workable strategy in place of how to get along with them. I would suggest that learning to get along with them is far easier.